INDEX OF FUN:
The Life of a Puppy
How to Take A Picture of Your New Puppy
Dog Property Laws
Recipe For Good Pup Pie
Bet You Can't Own Just One!
U.S. Canine Individual Income Tax Return Link
This morning, I woke up and kissed my dad's head,
I peed on the carpet, then went back to bed.
"The life of a puppy, oh my, this is great",
Then I thought about breakfast," I hope it's not late."
Mom took me outside, we walked for a while,
This never fails to make Mama smile.
I sniffed of everything, that we did pass,
I ate something weird - it gave me gas.
I'm sure God loves me, I know that is true,
He gave me so many great things to chew.
Rugs, plants or rocks, I really don't care,
What I truly like best, is Dad's underwear.
That obedience book, was sort of yummy,
Though it didn't sit well on my poor puppy tummy.
I threw up a bit, but that was all right,
When Mom found it later, I was well out of sight.
I made streamers of T.P., while running at full speed,
Mom is pretty quick-but I was still in the lead.
I flew under the bed, and Mom flew past,
She stopped-shook her head, and breathed, "You're too fast."
Mama later phoned Daddy, and said, "It was frightening!"
That afternoon, she was sure I'd pooped lightning.
She'd sat at the computer, while I chewed the cord,
She thought I was mad, but I was just bored.
When Mama had enough, couldn't take anymore,
That's when my tushy got shoved out the door.
I love it inside, but outside is best,
I lay in the cool grass, and had a good rest.
That didn't last long, there was too much to do,
Can't quite remember where I hid Daddy's shoe.
I found an old bone, and scratched at a flea,
I watched the dumb squirrels as they jumped in a tree.
I barked at the kids, when they got off the bus,
I can't figure out why this makes Mama fuss.
I barked at the neighbor, I barked at the wind,
I barked and barked, till Mom yelled, "COME IN!"
The sun dipped in the west-soon Daddy would come!
I sure love my daddy, we always have fun.
I barked at my daddy, then turned on my charms,
I woo-wooed, "Hello," then jumped in his arms.
Sitting under the table - it's sooo hard to wait,
Daddy slipped me a goodie right off his plate.
I raced through the house, and scattered my toys,
Ricocheted off the furniture, and made lots of noise.
Mom found her purse - the one I abused,
Daddy let loose a chuckle, Mom asked, "Amused??"
I cowered down low, I must be in trouble,
Dad said, "Wasn't MY boy, it must be his double!"
Mom turned off the TV, and said, "Time for bed."
Dad said "Let's go boy," and patted my head.
I got in my spot, between Mom and Dad,
I thought 'bout my day and what fun I had.
Mama kicked out my bone from the covers below,
Then let loose a sigh-a sigh deep and low,
She gave me a kiss, and snuggled me tight,
And whispered so softly, "My darling good night".
1. Remove film from box and load camera.
2. Remove film box from puppy's mouth and throw in trash.
3. Remove puppy from trash and brush coffee grounds from muzzle.
4. Choose a suitable background for photo.
5. Mount camera on tripod and focus.
6. Find puppy and take dirty sock from mouth.
7. Place puppy in pre-focused spot and return to camera.
8. Forget about spot and crawl after puppy on knees.
9. Focus with one hand and fend off puppy with other hand.
10. Get tissue and clean nose print from lens.
11. Put cat outside and put peroxide on the scratch on puppy's nose.
13. Put magazines back on coffee table.
14. Try to get puppy's attention by squeaking toy over your head.
15. Replace your glasses and check camera for damage.
16. Jump up in time to grab puppy by scruff of neck and say, "No, outside! No, outside!"
17. Clean up mess.
18. Sit back in chair with lemonade and resolve to teach puppy "sit" and "stay" the first thing in the morning.
1. If I like it, it's mine.
2. If it's in my mouth, it's mine.
3. If I can take it from you, it's mine.
4. If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.
5. If it's mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way.
6. If I'm chewing something up, all the pieces are mine.
7. If it just looks like mine, it's mine.
8. If I saw it first, it's mine.
9. If you are playing with something and you put it down, it automatically becomes mine.
10. If it's broken, it's yours.
Thus I perfume myself with
This long-rotten squirrel.
I lie belly-up
In the sunshine, happier than
You ever will be.
Today I sniffed
Many dog butts--I celebrate
By kissing your face.
I sound the alarm!
Paperboy--come to kill us all--
Look! Look! Look! Look! Look!
I sound the alarm!
Garbage man--come to kill us all--
Look! Look! Look! Look! Look!
I lift my leg and
Whiz on each bush. Hello, Spot-
Sniff this and weep.
How do I love thee?
The ways are numberless as
My hairs on the rug.
My human is home!
I am so ecstatic I have
Made a puddle.
I hate my choke chain.
Look, world, they strangle me! Ack
Ack Ack Ack Ack Ack!
Sleeping here, my chin
On your foot--no greater bliss--well,
Maybe catching rats.
Look in my eyes and
Deny it. No human could
Love you as much I do.
The cat is not all
Bad--she fills the litter box
With Tootsie Rolls.
Dig under fence--why?
Because it's there. Because it's there.
Because it's there.
I am your best friend,
Now, always, and especially
When you are eating.
You may call them fleas,
But they are far more--I call
Them a vocation.
My owners' mood is
Romantic--I lie near their feet.
I fart a big one.
1 cup understanding
1 pinch correction
1 cup hard work
2 cups praise
1 1/2 cups fun
Blend well. Heat with the warmth of the heart until the consistency is such that dog and handler are one.
Why own a dog? There's danger you know,
You can't own just one, the craving will grow.
There's no doubt they're addictive, wherein lies the danger,
While living with lots, you'll grow poorer and stranger.
One dog is so funny, and two are no trouble,
The third one is easy, the fourth one's a honey.
The fifth's delightful, the sixth one's a breeze,
You find you can live with a house full with ease.
So how 'bout another? Would you really dare?
They're really quite easy, but Lord, the hair.
With dogs on the sofa, and dogs on the bed,
And crates in the kitchen, it's no bother, you've said,
They're really no trouble, their manners are great
What's just one more dog, and one more crate?
The sofa is hairy, the windows are crusty,
The floor is all footprints, the furniture is dusty.
The housekeeping suffers, but what do you care?
Who minds a few nose prints, and a little more hair?
So let's keep a puppy, you can always find room,
And a little more time for the dust cloth and broom.
There's hardly a limit to the dogs you can add,
The thought of a cutback sure makes you sad.
Each one is so special, so useful, so funny,
The vet and food bills grow larger, you owe money.
Your folks never visit, few friends come to stay,
Except other dog folks, who live the same way.
Your lawn has now died, and your shrubs are dead too,
But your weekends are busy, you're off with your crew.
There's dog food and vitamins, and training and shots,
And entries and motels which cost lots.
Is it worth it you wonder? Are you caught in a trap?
Then your favorite dog comes and climbs in your lap,
His look says your special, and you know that you will,
Keep all of the critters, in spite of the bill.
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